August 7th, 2010
Gay Marriage
From an HR point of view – support full marriage rights for gay people. It’s the market thing to do.
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Of course for most people the debate on same sex marriage is somewhere between a cultural, religious, political or human rights issues. My personal opinion is not the point of the post but for transparency I will make it clear that I support gay marriage in every way as a fundamental civil right. But that is not why HR people should support this institution.
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Marriage is a really helpful idea for at least everyone who is not in a given marriage. The two people in a marriage have a unique relationship. Like snow flakes, finger prints and chocolate chip cookies, no two are the same. In fact, it is likely that no marriage relations stays the same very long. Like any other personal relationship it is organic. Sometimes it is stronger; sometimes weaker; usually just stranger – it is always changing and in fact, it is likely changing and re-changing in complex way because each spouse is constantly re-evaluating their connection within the marriage and to their spouse. Inside of a marriage is really, really, complex.
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Outside of a marriage is pretty simple from a legal or market kind of view. Either they are married or they are not married. It is a simple bright line test. The rest of us don’t need to know if you are lonely, happy, satisfied, despondent or anything else within your marriage relationship. We don’t even need to know if you are faithful. You is or you ain’t their baby. Bright line tests reduce costs because they reduce the expense of information gathering, evaluation, investigation and adjudication. You is or you ain’t.
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We typically only deal and only want to deal with the employee him or her self. Sometimes becasue of benefits typically, or in the event of death or disability, we need to know with whom an employee is partnering. We need to help get value created by the employee in our programs into the home or the family when the employee can’t do so on their own. Sometimes regulation requires that we move some of that value to others in the family. Imagine what all of this would be like without marriage. It would be impossible with certainty or efficiency to sort through the various relationships that exist within society. Marriage makes it clean because two people are signalling to the rest of us that they want to be treated as a family unit.
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Two people can grow to hate each other, or worse, ignore each other, but that is not our concern if they don’t divorce. Conversely, two soul-mates who are an integrated partnership in every way signal to the rest of us that in fact, they do not want to be treated as a unit by not marrying. (For those who correctly say that they don’t need a piece of paper to prove their love, they are right; they just need that piece of paper to prove to me that you can exercise her stock options if she gets hit by a bus tomorrow.)
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Bottom line – there are people who are gay. They work in our organizations. Marriage allows those people to signal to the rest of us in an efficient way how they want to be treated – that is, as a unit. As HR people we should support rules and social structures that bring clarity and efficiency to the work place.
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And – it is a civil rights issue – but that’s just me.

Recently I made the point that I am not a big fan of “
